During the one hour of research I conducted prior to coming to Thailand, I came across an odd post on a Lonely Planet forum. It was about the tradition of visiting the red light district on your last night in Bangkok. It went on to describe some of the more interesting things you would encounter and what to expect. Since it was my last full night in Bangkok, I was wondering if I should give one of these areas a look. The consensus online seemed to be that an area called Soi Cowboy was the safest and most accessible location for a westerner like myself. I mean with a name like Cowboy how can you go wrong, right?
After some internal back and forth I finally decided I would see what it was all about. The street was only about 2km away from my hotel so I decided I would just walk there. Forgetting how humid it is in Thailand I was absolutely drenched in sweat and disgusting by the time I arrived. As I followed the glowing neon I quickly realized what a completely bizarre experience it is walking down a street where you know 95% of the women you encounter are hookers. It was quite an awkward situation for me so I just walked straight, looked straight, and never made eye contact. Photographs are frowned upon in this area for obvious reasons so I resorted to my good friend the hip shot. Most of my photos came out bury but these should give you a general idea.
I made three passes on the short street before I mustered up the courage to enter one of the bars. It was a standard topless bar for the most part (if you forget the fact that all the dancers were also prostitutes). The first thing I noticed was how awkward this whole system is. You know that feeling when you are on a bad date and you both have run out of things to say? And you just sit at the table looking around not making eye contact and passively trying to think of something to say? This is the stage that all of the guys in the bar and their 'dates' had reached. Except after all this awkwardness they had to go back to his place and have even more awkward sex.
I was taken to a seat at the edge of the stage and I ordered a beer. For the most part it was fairly boring. They had the girls come out and dance to different themes like pirates or cowgirls. I had finished my beer and I was just getting ready to leave when the song 'If I Die Young' came on the speakers. If you are unfamiliar with this song I suggest watching the following video. Its a slow ballad with lyrics like 'Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother' and 'If I die young, bury me in satin...Sink me in the river, at dawn'. It is probably the lest appropriate strip club song ever. No I take that back, 'Who Let The Dogs Out' probably owns that title. Knowing the song well, I stopped in my tracks as soon as I heard the intro.
As the song continued two girls came out in bikinis caring lawn chairs. They then sat down and started rubbing lotion on their skin as the slow country song played. I was just watching in amazement. I couldn't believe that they were even attempting this. As the song ended I was still in complete shock, and that's when things got weird.
A few of the ladies brought out bunches of balloons and placed them around the ceiling. What happened next is known as a 'Ping Pong' show. For the purpose of this blog i will not be going into the specifics of a ping pong show. However if you are unfamiliar with this concept I reccomend you google it (with a NSFW warning). What I can tell you is it involves lit cigaretts, a horn, a 30 foot lei, dart guns, and ping pong balls.
I wont lie, I watched the whole thing, and i giggled the entire time. I had seen something tonight, but what it was I was not quite sure. After it ended I started my walk home. I was hungry so on the way back I bought some street food. I don't know if i have described my method for order street food but its a very scientific process.
Being that most of the signs don't have any English on them, I usually come up to the stand pointing at a word on the menu and holding up either a 1 or 2 with my fingers. I then nod to anything they say from that point on until i have my food. My prize this time turned out to be a big bowl of pig intestines with cucumbers and hot sauce. It was okay.
I think my dinner really reflected my overall decision making that night. Its one of those things that im glad I did but really have no interest in seeing again. Giddy Up.
